This was a preview of the workshop I presented at Gulch Fest in September of 2022.
Often in society we are expected to fit into the shape that is set out for us. There are some who say that society best functions when people fit into their roles. An argument I have heard is that "people feel safe and comfortable in an environment where everyone behaves in a predictable way, therefore deviance is seen as dangerous." Whether someone overtly subscribes to such a belief or not, it seems common for people tend to dress and act in a similar way to their peers. Is it simply our tendency to acclimate to cultural customs, or is it a result of social pressure?
Traveling in India, I found myself surrounded by people who had very different customs than those I am used to. To give a couple examples: People eat with their hands there (but only the right hand--never the left). It is expected of all drivers to honk their horns constantly when driving to ensure other drivers are aware of their presence. As a foreigner, I was not expected to emulate my local peers, but when I did, it often pleased them. There is a kind of joy in fitting in and participating in the same set of rules. And perhaps a kind of security as well, beyond the comfort of avoiding unwanted attention. There is a joy in feeling food before eating it--the size and texture of each bite. And if someone decided to drive in that country without constantly honking their horn, they would endanger themselves and others, especially when coming around sharp turns on narrow mountain roads without guardrails. And obviously, we conform to the rules of the road in whatever place we find ourselves so as to ensure the safety of others. This is intentional and prudent. But at what point does the joy end and the pressure begin? There is a dark side to conformity, and I venture to say that this begins at the point when our conformity becomes mindless. Let's explore that.
I have encountered those who use the term "weird" as an insult. Those same kinds of people who praise those who are normal. But what is normal? Today it means something like "common" or "usual," but the word "normal" evolved from a Latin word: "normalis," which meant "conforming to a set of rules." Normalis was a derivation from the word "norma," which denoted a carpenter's square.
The word "weird," which today tends to refer to that which is noticeably unusual, has a much more interesting origin... In the Middle Ages, the "weird" was that which was capable of controlling or changing fate. Our current usage of the word as an adjective actually developed from the use to describe the mythological figures known as the "Weird Sisters" who controlled human destiny. If we trace the roots further back to the Proto-Indo-European root "*wer-" meaning "to turn" or "to bend," we find this is also the root of the Old English term "weorðan" which meant "to become."
Today we don't really acknowledge the innate power of weirdness. Could that power be what the normies are so afraid of?
The image that comes to mind when I compare the etymology of "normal" and "weird" is a juxtaposition of evenly chopped and straightened wood vs the twisting and turning of a gnarled tree. This leads me to recall a passage from the Chuang Tzu:
"If we must use curve and plumb line, compass and square to make something right, this means cutting away its inborn nature; if we must use cords and knots, glue and lacquer to make something firm, this means violating its natural Virtue."
How might we understand Natural Virtue? In the scale of a person's life, a set of evenly cut wood beams fashioned together with nails and glue is a great deal more useful than a twisted bristlecone pine on a mountaintop. Yet can you think of any wooden human-made structure that, without any maintenance, on the exposed peak of a mountain, can survive for 5,000 years? Taoists would say that Natural Virtue is something that falls outside of the boundaries of human life.
When faced with the weird, trying to make it normal is cutting away its natural Virtue. Interesting how the word "normal" implicitly contains a sense of conformity. Without a set of rules or standards to measure oneself by, there is, in fact no meaning to normal, and no distinction from weird. How do we respond when we encounter the weird? When you look inside yourself and find something gnarled and twisted--ugly, even, by the standards we are in the habit of setting, does it frighten you? How do you respond?
Conformity as we understand it today is when we change what we are to match the shape or appearance of something else. This can take place in fashion, behavior, musical style... Almost any aspect of how we present ourselves can be done in a way that does or does not conform. "Conform" comes from the Latin word "conformis," which means "similar in shape." This was derived from the word "conformare" which literally meant "to modify." So in the very origin of the word "conform" is the implication of a modification of that which we really are. However, unique as each of us is, conformity is always an effort or an endeavor which can never entirely be realized. The conformer seeks to change their appearance to match the appearance of something else. To truly conform, one would have to be able to grasp the essence of that to which one conforms. And as Kant and others have shown, that essence remains eternally ungraspable for finite beings such as ourselves.
There is a way in which conformity can be rather stifling--not just of
the individual's spirit, but also of the potential thriving of society.
Perhaps the thriving of society is in the thriving of the individual.
Each of us is a unique manifestation, and each has a unique gift to give to the world. I think sometimes these gifts hide beneath the influences we constantly encounter, but they reveal themselves when we allow ourselves to explore and be what we genuinely are. Our parents, our teachers and role models growing up, the people who expect us to look a certain way on the street, our bosses at our jobs, and even our most trusted friends and loved ones have expectations of us--whether for ill or well-meaning intent. Part of what allows us to run efficiently as a society is our tendency to meet one another's expectations. But life is not bounded by anyone's expectations. To devote oneself to living this way is to attempt to capture the boundless. It's like trying to fit the ocean into a cup.
When we ask ourselves deep questions: "What do I want?" "Who am I?" "What is important to me?" and really focus deeply, we may find that we don't conform to other's expectations. Yet isn't it interesting that once someone has an idea of what kind of person they'd like to be, there again is the ideal to which one may conform. It is exactly outside of this structured realm of expecting to be a certain way that we can truly, radically, create what we are in a powerful way--and yet creativity seems to gain its meaning from a degree of limitation.
Take for example a musical genre. A set of patterns and conventions that in a sense creates a boundary for creativity. We love the ones who push these boundaries, yet it is also quite respectable to stay snug within. Yet within a genre are infinite possible variations. I think part of the fun of exploring a genre is that it directs our attention to another avenue of Infinity. When people think an artist is only playing the same thing over and over, or lacking their own unique spin, they are often regarded as tired or boring. Fashion seems to function in a similar way. Yet with music and fashion, there are conservative types who balk at the ones who push the boundaries. Perhaps the degree of conformity one is comfortable with changes from person to person, and from one domain to another. People are much less comfortable with discussions about the laws and regulations of society, especially when people advocate for particularly radical shifts. But what feels comfortable and safe is not always what is good...
When in touch with what we really are, we can ask ourselves: "how do I want to serve my community?" Coexisting in relationship with others, a sincere desire to serve and benefit one's fellows, can itself be limitless, if we shake off the expectation of how it is supposed to look. Some may fear that without the societal pressure to conform to predesignated roles, certain jobs just won't get done. But the thing about necessary tasks is that someone ends up doing them eventually. Whether we take turns taking out the trash, we are asked by someone else to lend a hand, or someone volunteers to always do it, my point is that we don't need to define ourselves by the tasks we do or don't complete. The truly shining radiance of being comes when we follow what lights us up from within.
Gathered together as creative co-hearts, sensitive to the desires, feelings, and needs of one another, we can operate in harmony or discord. Power is the ability to do or make. And how much greater our ability when it comes from deep within. When we center ourselves in the infinite fountain of our beings, then power becomes infinite. The difference between falling in love from your heart and just getting married because it's the "thing to do" is not only profound--it's easy for people to see. So why then do people so seldom see the difference between acting from the very center of your being and acting a certain way just because "it's the way to be."? Perhaps the detriment of conformity begins where it starts to impede sincerity. I wonder where in your life the desire to conform has overruled sincerity?
The best friends in my life have invited me to try new things and encouraged me to be my best self. That is different from pressuring someone into doing something. Sometimes the pressure from others leads us into discord with ourselves. Taken too far, the push that is often needed to do something one otherwise might not do, can become a stifling pressure. Sometimes, you may not realize you are smothering yourself under your own pressure. But an individual can be in harmony with their true self. And when we come together as harmonious beings, we create a harmonious resonating frequency. When you get on the dance floor and start strutting your stuff, it gets easier for others to jump in. Are they conforming, or are they inspired by your courage, excited by the new ideas they want to try? If we are going to set examples for each other, let's set examples of shining in our most beautiful rainbow lights.
One of the most inspiring things for me is to watch my fellow dancers doing their unique performances. Especially those who have worked at perfecting their styles to a high degree of excellence. This is why one of the best parts of gloving (a dance style involving hand and finger movements, deriving its name from the gloves that have light-up fingertips and/or palms often used by its performers) is "trading shows." We literally encounter each other and do something amazing and special for each other, both learning and enjoying. Or in a dance showcase with others doing their carefully practiced routines, each person expresses themself so uniquely in a way that really reflects aspects of who they are--from their song choice down to the way in which they move. Seeing people fully express themselves is one of my favorite things to encounter.
When I say that each one of us is unique, do not confuse it with being separate. Each of us grows from the Mother Earth, connected in the deepest depths of our being. In developing to our fullness, we shine forth in an infinite variety of radiations. No one aside from me can go the exact same way that I have gone. And even these words you read now ring in your mind a different tune than in another who reads these. This undeniable truth of uniqueness can be interpreted to form the conceptual scheme of "one and another." When we settle so deeply into this concept of being a separate self, we lose our sense of connectedness with all. Lost, alone, afraid. Striving to reunite, yet so enamored with the forms, we zoom in to the outward appearance of another. To match the form we conform. This desire to fit into a specific group, to match into a specific identity, is none other than a striving to find the "others" and be the "same," together in the same conceptual prison... But what happens if we tear down those bars entirely? Where, then, do we stand, when we have emerged from the abyss of conceptual divisions? What happens when we stop conforming to an idea, and start expressing ourselves with sincerity from the core of our beings? Might we, in finding what really, deeply connects us, find what makes us each so unique? True uniqueness is closer than anything to true togetherness.
